mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just gargled with NyQuil
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
