i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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