pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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