I got chris browned last night
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
