he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
