Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
