Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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