Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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