if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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