I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
