i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
