i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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