I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Randomize
