wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
