Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
