btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
