I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
