Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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