I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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