I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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