Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
