you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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