Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
