I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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