I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
