Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
