He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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