I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
