i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
