Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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