Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
