Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I feel like a drive thru vagina
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
