hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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