Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you didnt know i had herpes?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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