: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
