we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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