you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
