Jerry, you need to find god
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
