happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
