we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
