and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
