I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
