GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
