I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
