Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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