What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
