meet me or not, i'm out of control
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
