He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
