I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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