why do cheetos always look like penises
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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