I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
